Road Blocks

Feeling grateful for the road blocks in life that often lead to unseen, yet better paths.

Family Pictures

We love Sutton and Tegan!

Sutton Hall

Tegan Jacobsen

Sutton and Tegan

God Answers Prayers

God answers prayers, I know He does

He's in the Heavens up above.

And although He's an All Powerful Being

He uses us, our hands and hearts, for serving.

For so often, if not all the time, God's answers come

Through another person's love or service that's done

We're here on earth to help one another

To bear burdens and comfort each other.

For you see, the magic really comes when 
an answered prayer

Not only helps the one in need but spreads 
God's love everywhere

God loves us, He answers our prayers.

But it's often through others that His love is shared.

Am I doing my part, am I in tune, will I be prepared

To see the one in need, to be ready to help and care?

Will I listen and act on what the spirit shares

And be the answer to someone else's prayer?

By Mindy Taylor

Sept. 2015

“God does love us and does answer our prayers

But it's often through another person that he meets our needs.”

Spencer W. Kimball

Only with the Lord's help...

This last week as I have been praying (and fasting) for Sam, the scripture I came across that stands out the most to me is Alma 18:34-35:this is Ammon's response when King Lamoni asks him if he is sent from God?
"Ammon said unto him: I am a man...and I am called by his Holy Spirit to teach these things unto this people, that they may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true; And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God."
As I read and pondered this scripture, a personal application hit me very strongly:
"I am a woman...and I am called by his Holy Spirit to be Sam's mother, and to teach these things unto Sam that he may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true. And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge and also power (to be Sam's mother) according to my faith and desire which are in God."
I think more than anything, what I felt the most from praying and fasting was the feeling of being enpowered and blessed by the Lord to be able to face the task before me.
I also had some thoughts of things I can do for Sam, and I have faith that I will continue to be blessed with thoughts of what's best to do for Sam.
The task of being his mother is not easy. To say it's difficult is an understatement, but for some reason the Lord has asked me to do it and whom the Lord calls, He qualifies. So I move forward only by faith that He will help me. I will most certainly need knowledge and power from His spirit to help me along the way. There is no other way that I can do this, it is only with the Lord's help that I move forward.
I'm grateful for the Lord's help and for family and friends who pray for us.

Miracles in the Details of our lives

It dawned on me as I sat on the bench in the chapel that the best way to describe my feelings in this moment was from a scripture: "...there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you...that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy." (Alma 36:21) Although this scripture is referring to the joy of a repentant sinner, it is very adequate in describing my feelings as a mother of a son with special needs, (my son's specific disorder being fetal alcohol and severe anxiety disorder.)

The pains of mothering a child with special needs are exquisite and real. There are so many hard things and I won't lie about it, it is indeed painful.  The frustration, the grief, the loss that comes when a child's brain doesn't function properly is so real and so painful to deal with.
And yet on the other hand, when this same child with special needs accomplishes something that felt so out of reach, the joy that is felt is so exquisite and so sweet!!

Today, I witnessed a miracle! My son who has fetal alcohol/severe anxiety passed the Sacrament in church today for the first time! It was such an amazing, special day. It felt like Christmas for me! I cried through the entire meeting. My heart is so full of motherly joy and gratitude, of a magnitude which I cannot explain...the closest I can come to explaining is with the scripture from Alma: "there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy"!

I know the Lord blessed, helped and strengthened my son, Sam, and sent heavenly and earthly angels to help him.  Our stake president, President Raines, just happened to walk in and came and spoke with Sam before Sacrament meeting started. He thanked Sam for helping to pass the Sacrament and told him how important it was and that the Sacrament is the reason we come to church. I know him speaking to my son was not a coincidence, it was a gift from God, one which I feel greatly blessed my son.
Sam's brother, Jacob, sat next to him in the deacon's row and was able to support Sam with his presence. Friendly faces sat in the rows where my son passed the sacrament and my heart filled with gratitude and my eyes welled with tears as they smiled at my son.

We celebrated!! This was so huge for Sam!! We made pizza, cinnamon rolls and cookies and celebrated!! We recognized the Lord's help. We thanked the Lord in prayer for helping Sam to pass the sacrament. I talked with Sam about how he felt and how that good feeling was the spirit telling him he was doing the right thing. Afterwards Sam said, that was actually fun! :) And we talked about how service can be fun. How very grateful I am that Sam was blessed and strengthened to be able to serve the Lord today.

I can't help but reflect on the differences of parenting a child with special needs as opposed to parenting neuro-typical children. With my neuro-typical children, things are steady. The highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low. It's a steady "race" if you will. We have to work through things, but the things we work through are so workable and reachable! With my special needs son the lows are a lot lower and when the highs happen, we celebrate hard! Because the highs don't come as often, but when they do come, they are so very, very SWEET and JOYFUL!! :)

I feel that I must have a small taste of what it's like for our Heavenly Father to rejoice in our successes, and the unconditional love He must feel for each of us. Sometimes it's hard to love something that's so hard in our lives, but I pray that I can feel the love that God has for my son with special needs and it's that love that helps me move forward. God loves my son perfectly. I am not perfect, but I do love my son. His life teaches me and strengthens me and stretches me in ways that I would not otherwise be stretched and strengthened.
I feel a greater love for all those around me, no matter their struggle, and my tendency to judge has diminished to nearly nothing because I know that only the Lord truly knows what each individual faces and what abilities they have to face it with. It is not my job to judge, rather, it is my job to love.
I am grateful for God's love for me and for each of His children.  I know God is in the details of our lives. He is mindful of each of His children. He loves each one of us so very much.
I am so grateful and I greatly cherish this special moment with Sam!
Thank God for miracles in the details of our lives!

A Gift from God

Someone once told me that “it's like being slowly pecked to death by chickens.” I must agree.That's the best description I've heard so far. Slowly. Pecked. To Death. By Chickens.

Yep, that's what it feels like to raise a child with F.A.S.D. That is the ugly truth, although it isn't all ugly, but at times it feels like that's all there is: ugliness.

“It's an ugly job, but somebody's got to do it.” I guess so, or Rather, I actually prefer to think that this is my job given to me for a specific purpose because God knew I would do a good job with it. When it comes to things like this, I have to believe that. I have to believe that it's no accident that I'm raising a son with F.A.S.D. I have to believe that it's part of God's plan for me, part of the work He wants me to do. I have to believe that my son with F.A.S.D. is indeed a gift from God. And that is what makes all the difference.

Being a mom...it's a full time job,

Being a mom of a child on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum...it's TWO+ full time jobs.

I am not by any means trying to diminish the demands of a moms of neuro typical kids. I know they have a lot of demands. I have experienced both: being a mom of neuro typical kids AND being a mom of a child on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum.

There is a GREAT, BIG, HUGE difference. And this is what I have realized...

For moms of kids on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum:

It's draining.

It's stressful.
It's depressing.

It demands continual grieving.

It takes everything out of you and wrings it out, chews it up, and spits it out, and then, just when you think that there is nothing left to take out of you, it takes more out of you. 

A tantrum. No, I've experienced tantrums three different times with three different children. This is much worse than a tantrum. This is so much more. But for so many years I didn't know what it was. Not knowing. I think that was the hardest part.

Kicking. Screaming. Throwing things. Pushing furniture over. Running out the window. Running away. Breaking my nose. Breaking the oven door. Destroying the walls, the furniture, the house, the vehicles...destroying our lives. Destruction. That is a good word for it.

Yes, often it feels like he is destroying everything, even our lives. And I begin to envy “normal”. I begin to envy those around me who have “normal” lives. Now I know that one could argue “what's normal? No one has a normal life!” WRONG. Neuro typical children live neuro typical NORMAL lives and it is DIFFERENT than living a life as a child with F.A.S.D.! That is fact.

And yes I have been very envious of “normal.” And quite often “normal” looks like a vacation, a breeze, so easy. Yet, I can't even go to “normal” for a vacation. I never get “normal” with this child. And that's when things get really bad...when I get stuck in my envy...and get stuck wanting “normal” so badly; because no matter how hard I try I will NEVER have “normal” with this son. Hence, the need for continual grieving. I have to grieve the loss of “normal”. This is a real thing, a real loss, that must be grieved. I must take time to grieve.

And then I must cherish what my son is.

I must find his strengths.

I must find the strength to be positive, to be grateful for his strengths. To build him up, to praise him for the beautiful child that he truly is.

And that is when I begin to do the work God has for me to do...when I leave envy, and compassion becomes my motivation, then I am able to do the work God wants me to do.

My son teaches me...patience, compassion, understanding...more patience...he makes me a non-judgmental person, he makes me love unconditionally, he makes me a better person.

And my other children...my neuro typical children...they are stronger for having grown up with him. They are stronger in ways that they don't even realize yet. They are stronger, non- judgmental, full of compassion, and more understanding because of him.

"Come Forth!" and "Live!" (Lamb of God 2015)

This is the third year that I have had the privilege to be a part of the Lamb of God, a sacred musical production about the final days of the life of Jesus Christ, told through the eyes of those who knew him best. It's hard to find the words to describe what a great blessing this has been in my life. As a result, my understanding and testimony of Jesus Christ and His Atonement has increased.

There is great power in music and when you use music to relate and teach about Jesus Christ, that power multiplies and intensifies. It has been such a privilege to testify of Jesus Christ through music.

As I have participated this year, the story of Lazarus has greatly touched me and has become a favorite of mine.

The scriptures tell us that Jesus loved Martha,...her sister (Mary) and (their brother) Lazarus. (John 11:5)

Word was sent to Jesus that Lazarus was very ill, but Jesus did not come immediately; He stayed away two more days, stating that “this sickness is for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.” (John 11:4)

After waiting 2 days, Jesus did come. And hearing that Jesus was coming, Martha was the first to go and meet him, saying: “Jesus, Lord if thou hadst been here, my brother hadst not died.” (John 11:21)

Martha and Mary were greatly mourning and weeping for the loss of their brother, As Jesus saw this, he groaned in the spirit and was troubled. And the scriptures say that “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35).

He cried with them, he mourned with them, he had perfect Compassion for them.

Even though Jesus Christ knew that He would raise Lazarus from death, His tears on this occasion show His compassion for all those who suffer and mourn.

Apostle James E. Talmage wrote: “The sight of the two women overcome by grief...caused Jesus to sorrow with them so that He groaned in spirit and was deeply troubled. This experience testifies of the compassion, empathy, and love that our Savior...feels for each of us every time we are weighed down by the anguish, sin, adversity, and pains of life.”

Sister Linda S. Reeves said: “Jesus Christ knows us, loves us, knows when we are in any sort of pain or suffering of any kind. He doesn't say 'It's OK that you're in pain right now because soon everything is going to be alright. You will be healed, or your husband will find a job, or your wandering child will come back.'”

Rather, Christ feels the depth of our suffering...his bowels are filled with mercy for us...this is part of His Infinite Atonement.

Sister Reeves continues to say: “Whatever sin or weakness or pain or struggle or trial you are going through, He knows and understands those very moments. He loves you! And He will carry you through those moments, just as He did Mary and Martha. He has paid the price that He might know how to succor you. Cast your burdens upon Him.”

Alma testified of Christ, saying:

“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him...their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, ...that he may know...how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Alma 7:11-12

...that his bowels may be filled with mercy...

This perfect compassion...is part of the Atonement.

This perfect Compassion that Christ has for each of us because of His Infinite Atonement has been very strongly impressed upon my mind.

To continue in the story of Lazarus,

Mary and Martha both showed great faith in expressing “Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother hadst not died.”

And Martha is told by Christ that her brother will rise again.

Martha responds again with faith as she says “I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

“Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live” John 11:25-26

Martha again expresses faith as she saith unto him, “Yea Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.”

But when they get to the grave and Jesus asks Martha to take away the stone, “she saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead for 4 days.”

She has such great faith in Christ and knows that if he had been there, that Lazaras would not have died. But she and the others with her don't fully understand what's about to happen.

The scriptures say “for as yet they did not understand the power of God” (John 11:16 JST)

But Jesus responds to Martha: “Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldst believe, though shouldst see the glory of God?”

And then more faith was shown as they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid.

Christ then says “Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me”, followed by the miraculous words:

“Lazarus, come forth.”

“And he that was dead came forth...”

Bruce R. McConkie explained that the raising of Lazarus was different from other miracles and had important purposes. He said:

“With our friend Lazarus it was different...1. As our Lord neared the climax of his mortal ministry, he was again bearing testimony, in a way that could not be refuted, of his Messiahship, of his divine Sonship, of the fact that he was in very deed the literal Son of God; and 2. He was setting the stage, so as to dramatize for all time, one of his greatest teachings:

That he is the resurrection and the life, that immortality and eternal life came by him, and that those who believed and obeyed his words should never die spiritually.”

Christ said: 

I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

The atonement of Jesus Christ gives us life, life eternal, physically and spiritually.

He's asking each of us to believe in Him and live! In so many ways He's asking us to come forth and live...

we may be dead spiritually, lost in sorrow, tempted, caught in sin, struggling, hurting, suffering in countless, endless ways...physically and spiritually...But in Christ we may live..

He's calling to us to “come forth” and “live”, just as he did to Lazarus.

Because of His infinite Atonement, he can deliver us from EVERYTHING!

He is our Hope and our Deliverer.

He can deliver us from death (just as he did with Lazarus), And He can also deliver us from sin, sorrow, struggles, fears, trials, temptation, doubts, from absolutely anything and everything.

Jesus Christ and His Infinite Atonement is the answer to everything.

His Atonement is all-encompassing.

He is the resurrection and the life.

As I played the Lazarus song in this sacred musical production this year, I could feel my Savior calling to me,
“Mindy, come forth.”

Jesus Christ has the power to help us “come forth” from anything.

Through the power of Christ's Atonement, we can overcome all.

And as we are imperfect mortals on this earth, we have much to overcome. We are not expected to be perfect right now, but God wants us to to have faith in and believe in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, that we may overcome all things.

In this year's production, I was also particularly touched by Thomas.

While Thomas has traditionally been referred to as “doubting Thomas”, other scriptures affirm his love for the Savior and devotion to Him.

When the Savior decided to return to Judea despite the dangers there, Thomas said that he would go with Jesus even if it meant dying with him. (John 11:16)

This response shows that Thomas was not an inherent doubter or coward. Rather he was a man of faith and courage.

When Christ was resurrected, he came to the apostles and stood in the midst of them. But Thomas was not with them when Jesus came.

As I have pondered this, I have felt sympathy for Thomas, realizing that Christ came when all of the apostles were there, except for him. I personally feel that Thomas must have felt very sad about this, possibly feeling left out that Christ had come when he was not there. Personally, I feel like this was a struggle for Thomas and he was probably troubled by this, and in this, his struggle, he said,

“Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

8 days later, Jesus comes again, and this time, Thomas is with them.

Jesus Christ, with his perfect compassion, brings peace to Thomas in his struggle, and He says: “Peace be unto you.”

And then He offers Thomas exactly what he asked for as he tells him to “reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side:

Christ then teaches all of us as he says...be not faithless, but believing.”

How often do we all need the Savior's compassion and this reminder to 

“be not faithless, but believing.”

Even Peter needed this reminder to have faith.

When the apostles were at sea, and saw someone walking on the sea...

Jesus spake unto them, saying, be of good cheer, it is I, be not afraid.

And peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

And Peter came out of the ship, and he walked on the water, to go to Jesus

But when he saw the winds boisterous, he was afraid and beginning to sink...

Peter became afraid when he saw the winds. Just like we might often become afraid as we face winds, adversities, and struggles and we begin to doubt in our struggle.

But, Peter, cried to the Lord, save me

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand and caught him and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

(Matt. 14:25-31)

In the midst of struggle, trials, it's easy to doubt, worry and fear. But the Savior is always there, ready and waiting with His hand stretched out to us. We simply need to cry unto him for help, like Peter did. And remember what the Savior said:

I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

And be not faithless, but believing.

Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is always there, calling for us to “come forth”! and live!

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

(Romans 8:35, 37)

Jesus Christ is our Hope and our Deliverer...through faith in Him we can conquer all.

But Faith in God also includes faith in his timing. Sometimes we want things to be a certain way, but it's not the right time or not the Lord's will.

Elder Maxwell said: “Faith means trust---trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in his timetable. We should not try to impose our timetable on His. Indeed, we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord's will and in the Lord's timing.”

Using a music analogy, Jesus Christ is the director and has the musical score of life. He can see when we need to wait, and when we need to come in and play our part...he can see the whole picture from beginning to end.

A friend of mine who has many rests where she doesn't play was impressed with the idea that sometimes it's her part to wait.

And so it is with life. At times we must wait for the Lord's timing and the Lord's will.

Sometimes it is a trial to have faith, and as we all have the natural man to overcome, our faith fluctuates back and forth...we have times of struggle and doubt and times of great faith.

But I am reminded of the story in the Bible where the Father brings his child to the Savior to be healed and

“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears,

Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” (Mark 9:21-25)

We're not perfect, we have doubts, struggles, we make mistakes...we need Christ to help us overcome all things....even to help us overcome our unbelief.

We can give the Lord all the faith we have and ask Him for help in completing our faith. He is the author and the finisher of our faith.

“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus Christ drank the bitter cup and suffered in Gethsemane so that we would have a way to overcome all and return to live with Heavenly Father again.

In Gethsemane, Christ knelt down and prayed, Saying Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me, nevertheless not my will, but thine be done.

In the Aramic language, he cries out Abba, which means Daddy. He cried out for help from his Daddy. He called out to His Abba, and to your Abba, a cry of desperation because the pain was so much to bear; in His own words He describes pain...

“how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not...which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup and shrink...”
(D&C 19:15-19)

Jesus Christ willingly chose to suffer this for each one of us. At any moment, He could have stopped it.

He went from the incomprehensible pain of Gethsemane to being Betrayed by one of his friends, Judas.

And Peter, wanting to defend Jesus, took his sword and cut off the ear of the high priest. But Jesus told him not to fight and he healed the ear of the high priest.

Again, we see, Christ's perfect COMPASSION.

He had just experienced Gethsemane and then betrayal, yet he heals the ear of the high priest who has come to take him.

Then Christ stands trial...

And then is to be crucified.

From the sixth to the ninth hour there was darkness over all the earth. Jesus cried with a loud voice. “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Elder Holland said of this, “For the supreme sacrifice of His Son to be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind...all of us...would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.”

Thus completing the Infinite Atonement which provides Christ's perfect Compassion and perfect Love for each of us.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

Romans 8:35, 37

Jesus Christ is our Hope and our Deliverer...through faith in Him we can conquer all.

For he has said:

I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

I know that Jesus Christ loves each of us with a perfect love and wants all of us to “come forth” and live!

I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that He lives. Of these things I testify.

(By Mindy Taylor, March 22, 2015)