Miracles in the Details of our lives

It dawned on me as I sat on the bench in the chapel that the best way to describe my feelings in this moment was from a scripture: "...there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you...that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy." (Alma 36:21) Although this scripture is referring to the joy of a repentant sinner, it is very adequate in describing my feelings as a mother of a son with special needs, (my son's specific disorder being fetal alcohol and severe anxiety disorder.)

The pains of mothering a child with special needs are exquisite and real. There are so many hard things and I won't lie about it, it is indeed painful.  The frustration, the grief, the loss that comes when a child's brain doesn't function properly is so real and so painful to deal with.
And yet on the other hand, when this same child with special needs accomplishes something that felt so out of reach, the joy that is felt is so exquisite and so sweet!!

Today, I witnessed a miracle! My son who has fetal alcohol/severe anxiety passed the Sacrament in church today for the first time! It was such an amazing, special day. It felt like Christmas for me! I cried through the entire meeting. My heart is so full of motherly joy and gratitude, of a magnitude which I cannot explain...the closest I can come to explaining is with the scripture from Alma: "there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy"!

I know the Lord blessed, helped and strengthened my son, Sam, and sent heavenly and earthly angels to help him.  Our stake president, President Raines, just happened to walk in and came and spoke with Sam before Sacrament meeting started. He thanked Sam for helping to pass the Sacrament and told him how important it was and that the Sacrament is the reason we come to church. I know him speaking to my son was not a coincidence, it was a gift from God, one which I feel greatly blessed my son.
Sam's brother, Jacob, sat next to him in the deacon's row and was able to support Sam with his presence. Friendly faces sat in the rows where my son passed the sacrament and my heart filled with gratitude and my eyes welled with tears as they smiled at my son.

We celebrated!! This was so huge for Sam!! We made pizza, cinnamon rolls and cookies and celebrated!! We recognized the Lord's help. We thanked the Lord in prayer for helping Sam to pass the sacrament. I talked with Sam about how he felt and how that good feeling was the spirit telling him he was doing the right thing. Afterwards Sam said, that was actually fun! :) And we talked about how service can be fun. How very grateful I am that Sam was blessed and strengthened to be able to serve the Lord today.

I can't help but reflect on the differences of parenting a child with special needs as opposed to parenting neuro-typical children. With my neuro-typical children, things are steady. The highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low. It's a steady "race" if you will. We have to work through things, but the things we work through are so workable and reachable! With my special needs son the lows are a lot lower and when the highs happen, we celebrate hard! Because the highs don't come as often, but when they do come, they are so very, very SWEET and JOYFUL!! :)

I feel that I must have a small taste of what it's like for our Heavenly Father to rejoice in our successes, and the unconditional love He must feel for each of us. Sometimes it's hard to love something that's so hard in our lives, but I pray that I can feel the love that God has for my son with special needs and it's that love that helps me move forward. God loves my son perfectly. I am not perfect, but I do love my son. His life teaches me and strengthens me and stretches me in ways that I would not otherwise be stretched and strengthened.
I feel a greater love for all those around me, no matter their struggle, and my tendency to judge has diminished to nearly nothing because I know that only the Lord truly knows what each individual faces and what abilities they have to face it with. It is not my job to judge, rather, it is my job to love.
I am grateful for God's love for me and for each of His children.  I know God is in the details of our lives. He is mindful of each of His children. He loves each one of us so very much.
I am so grateful and I greatly cherish this special moment with Sam!
Thank God for miracles in the details of our lives!