Road Blocks

Feeling grateful for the road blocks in life that often lead to unseen, yet better paths.

Family Pictures

We love Sutton and Tegan!

Sutton Hall

Tegan Jacobsen

Sutton and Tegan

God Answers Prayers

God answers prayers, I know He does

He's in the Heavens up above.

And although He's an All Powerful Being

He uses us, our hands and hearts, for serving.

For so often, if not all the time, God's answers come

Through another person's love or service that's done

We're here on earth to help one another

To bear burdens and comfort each other.

For you see, the magic really comes when 
an answered prayer

Not only helps the one in need but spreads 
God's love everywhere

God loves us, He answers our prayers.

But it's often through others that His love is shared.

Am I doing my part, am I in tune, will I be prepared

To see the one in need, to be ready to help and care?

Will I listen and act on what the spirit shares

And be the answer to someone else's prayer?

By Mindy Taylor

Sept. 2015

“God does love us and does answer our prayers

But it's often through another person that he meets our needs.”

Spencer W. Kimball

Only with the Lord's help...

This last week as I have been praying (and fasting) for Sam, the scripture I came across that stands out the most to me is Alma 18:34-35:this is Ammon's response when King Lamoni asks him if he is sent from God?
"Ammon said unto him: I am a man...and I am called by his Holy Spirit to teach these things unto this people, that they may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true; And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge and also power according to my faith and desires which are in God."
As I read and pondered this scripture, a personal application hit me very strongly:
"I am a woman...and I am called by his Holy Spirit to be Sam's mother, and to teach these things unto Sam that he may be brought to a knowledge of that which is just and true. And a portion of that Spirit dwelleth in me, which giveth me knowledge and also power (to be Sam's mother) according to my faith and desire which are in God."
I think more than anything, what I felt the most from praying and fasting was the feeling of being enpowered and blessed by the Lord to be able to face the task before me.
I also had some thoughts of things I can do for Sam, and I have faith that I will continue to be blessed with thoughts of what's best to do for Sam.
The task of being his mother is not easy. To say it's difficult is an understatement, but for some reason the Lord has asked me to do it and whom the Lord calls, He qualifies. So I move forward only by faith that He will help me. I will most certainly need knowledge and power from His spirit to help me along the way. There is no other way that I can do this, it is only with the Lord's help that I move forward.
I'm grateful for the Lord's help and for family and friends who pray for us.

Miracles in the Details of our lives

It dawned on me as I sat on the bench in the chapel that the best way to describe my feelings in this moment was from a scripture: "...there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you...that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy." (Alma 36:21) Although this scripture is referring to the joy of a repentant sinner, it is very adequate in describing my feelings as a mother of a son with special needs, (my son's specific disorder being fetal alcohol and severe anxiety disorder.)

The pains of mothering a child with special needs are exquisite and real. There are so many hard things and I won't lie about it, it is indeed painful.  The frustration, the grief, the loss that comes when a child's brain doesn't function properly is so real and so painful to deal with.
And yet on the other hand, when this same child with special needs accomplishes something that felt so out of reach, the joy that is felt is so exquisite and so sweet!!

Today, I witnessed a miracle! My son who has fetal alcohol/severe anxiety passed the Sacrament in church today for the first time! It was such an amazing, special day. It felt like Christmas for me! I cried through the entire meeting. My heart is so full of motherly joy and gratitude, of a magnitude which I cannot explain...the closest I can come to explaining is with the scripture from Alma: "there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy"!

I know the Lord blessed, helped and strengthened my son, Sam, and sent heavenly and earthly angels to help him.  Our stake president, President Raines, just happened to walk in and came and spoke with Sam before Sacrament meeting started. He thanked Sam for helping to pass the Sacrament and told him how important it was and that the Sacrament is the reason we come to church. I know him speaking to my son was not a coincidence, it was a gift from God, one which I feel greatly blessed my son.
Sam's brother, Jacob, sat next to him in the deacon's row and was able to support Sam with his presence. Friendly faces sat in the rows where my son passed the sacrament and my heart filled with gratitude and my eyes welled with tears as they smiled at my son.

We celebrated!! This was so huge for Sam!! We made pizza, cinnamon rolls and cookies and celebrated!! We recognized the Lord's help. We thanked the Lord in prayer for helping Sam to pass the sacrament. I talked with Sam about how he felt and how that good feeling was the spirit telling him he was doing the right thing. Afterwards Sam said, that was actually fun! :) And we talked about how service can be fun. How very grateful I am that Sam was blessed and strengthened to be able to serve the Lord today.

I can't help but reflect on the differences of parenting a child with special needs as opposed to parenting neuro-typical children. With my neuro-typical children, things are steady. The highs aren't as high and the lows aren't as low. It's a steady "race" if you will. We have to work through things, but the things we work through are so workable and reachable! With my special needs son the lows are a lot lower and when the highs happen, we celebrate hard! Because the highs don't come as often, but when they do come, they are so very, very SWEET and JOYFUL!! :)

I feel that I must have a small taste of what it's like for our Heavenly Father to rejoice in our successes, and the unconditional love He must feel for each of us. Sometimes it's hard to love something that's so hard in our lives, but I pray that I can feel the love that God has for my son with special needs and it's that love that helps me move forward. God loves my son perfectly. I am not perfect, but I do love my son. His life teaches me and strengthens me and stretches me in ways that I would not otherwise be stretched and strengthened.
I feel a greater love for all those around me, no matter their struggle, and my tendency to judge has diminished to nearly nothing because I know that only the Lord truly knows what each individual faces and what abilities they have to face it with. It is not my job to judge, rather, it is my job to love.
I am grateful for God's love for me and for each of His children.  I know God is in the details of our lives. He is mindful of each of His children. He loves each one of us so very much.
I am so grateful and I greatly cherish this special moment with Sam!
Thank God for miracles in the details of our lives!

A Gift from God

Someone once told me that “it's like being slowly pecked to death by chickens.” I must agree.That's the best description I've heard so far. Slowly. Pecked. To Death. By Chickens.

Yep, that's what it feels like to raise a child with F.A.S.D. That is the ugly truth, although it isn't all ugly, but at times it feels like that's all there is: ugliness.

“It's an ugly job, but somebody's got to do it.” I guess so, or Rather, I actually prefer to think that this is my job given to me for a specific purpose because God knew I would do a good job with it. When it comes to things like this, I have to believe that. I have to believe that it's no accident that I'm raising a son with F.A.S.D. I have to believe that it's part of God's plan for me, part of the work He wants me to do. I have to believe that my son with F.A.S.D. is indeed a gift from God. And that is what makes all the difference.

Being a mom...it's a full time job,

Being a mom of a child on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum...it's TWO+ full time jobs.

I am not by any means trying to diminish the demands of a moms of neuro typical kids. I know they have a lot of demands. I have experienced both: being a mom of neuro typical kids AND being a mom of a child on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum.

There is a GREAT, BIG, HUGE difference. And this is what I have realized...

For moms of kids on the Fetal Alcohol Spectrum:

It's draining.

It's stressful.
It's depressing.

It demands continual grieving.

It takes everything out of you and wrings it out, chews it up, and spits it out, and then, just when you think that there is nothing left to take out of you, it takes more out of you. 

A tantrum. No, I've experienced tantrums three different times with three different children. This is much worse than a tantrum. This is so much more. But for so many years I didn't know what it was. Not knowing. I think that was the hardest part.

Kicking. Screaming. Throwing things. Pushing furniture over. Running out the window. Running away. Breaking my nose. Breaking the oven door. Destroying the walls, the furniture, the house, the vehicles...destroying our lives. Destruction. That is a good word for it.

Yes, often it feels like he is destroying everything, even our lives. And I begin to envy “normal”. I begin to envy those around me who have “normal” lives. Now I know that one could argue “what's normal? No one has a normal life!” WRONG. Neuro typical children live neuro typical NORMAL lives and it is DIFFERENT than living a life as a child with F.A.S.D.! That is fact.

And yes I have been very envious of “normal.” And quite often “normal” looks like a vacation, a breeze, so easy. Yet, I can't even go to “normal” for a vacation. I never get “normal” with this child. And that's when things get really bad...when I get stuck in my envy...and get stuck wanting “normal” so badly; because no matter how hard I try I will NEVER have “normal” with this son. Hence, the need for continual grieving. I have to grieve the loss of “normal”. This is a real thing, a real loss, that must be grieved. I must take time to grieve.

And then I must cherish what my son is.

I must find his strengths.

I must find the strength to be positive, to be grateful for his strengths. To build him up, to praise him for the beautiful child that he truly is.

And that is when I begin to do the work God has for me to do...when I leave envy, and compassion becomes my motivation, then I am able to do the work God wants me to do.

My son teaches me...patience, compassion, understanding...more patience...he makes me a non-judgmental person, he makes me love unconditionally, he makes me a better person.

And my other children...my neuro typical children...they are stronger for having grown up with him. They are stronger in ways that they don't even realize yet. They are stronger, non- judgmental, full of compassion, and more understanding because of him.